“Son, when you were born, you cried while the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way that when you die the world cries while you rejoice.”
One of the lessons I have learned in my own life is that if you don’t act on life, life has a habit of acting on you. The days slip into weeks, the weeks slip into months and the months slip into years. Pretty soon it’s all over and you are left with nothing more than a heart filled with regret over a life half lived.
George Bernard Shaw was asked on his deathbed, “What would you do if you could live your life over again?” He reflected, then replied with a deep sigh:
“I’d like to be the person I could have been but never was.”
On his deathbed, Aldous Huxley reflected on his entire life’s learning and then summed it up in seven simple words: “Let us be kinder to one another.”
All too often, we believe that in order to live a truly fulfilling life we must achieve some great act or grand feat that will put us on the front covers of magazines and newspapers. Nothing could be further from the truth. A meaningful life is made up of a series of daily acts of decency and kindness, which, ironically, add up to something truly great over the course of a lifetime.
Everyone who enters your life has a lesson to teach and a story to tell. Every person you pass during the moments that make up your days represents an opportunity to show a little more of the compassion and courtesy that define your humanity. Why not start being more of the person you truly are during your days and doing what you can to enrich the world around you?
Kindness, quite simply, is the rent we must pay for the space we occupy on this planet.
One day, according to an old story, a man with a serious illness was wheeled into a hospital room where another patient was resting on a bed next to the window. As the two became friends, the one next to the window would look out of it and then spend the next few hours delighting his bedridden companion with vivid descriptions of the world outside. Some days he would describe the beauty of the trees in the park across from the hospital and how the leaves danced in the wind. On other days, he would entertain his friend with step-by-step replays of the things people were doing as they walked by the hospital. However, as time went on, the bedridden man grew frustrated at his inability to observe the wonders his friend described. Eventually he grew to dislike him and then to hate him intensely. One night, during a particularly bad coughing fit, the patient next to the window stopped breathing. Rather than pressing the button for help, the other man chose to do nothing. The next morning the patient who had given his friend so much happiness by recounting the sights outside the window was pronounced dead and wheeled out of the hospital room. The other man quickly asked that his bed be placed next to the window, a request that was complied with by the attending nurse. But as he looked out the window, he discovered something that made him shake: the window faced a stark brick wall. His former roommate had conjured up the incredible sights that he described in his imagination as a loving gesture to make the world of his friend a little bit better during a difficult time. He had acted out of selfless love.
We walk this planet for such a short time. In the overall scheme of things, our lives are mere blips on the canvas of eternity. So have the wisdom to enjoy the journey and savor the process.
The golden thread of a highly successful and meaningful life is self-discipline. Discipline allows you to do all those things you know in your heart you should do but never feel like doing. Without self-discipline, you will not set clear goals, manage your time effectively, treat people well, persist through the tough times, care for your health or think positive thoughts.
The quality of your life ultimately is shaped by the quality of your choices and decisions, ones that range from the career you choose to pursue to the books you read, the time that you wake up every morning and the thoughts you think during the hours of your days. When you consistently flex your willpower by making those choices that you know are the right ones (rather than the easy ones), you take back control of your life.
Effective, fulfilled people do not spend their time doing what is most convenient and comfortable. They have the courage to listen to their hearts and to do the wise thing. This habit is what makes them great.
“The successful person has the habit of doing the things failures don’t like to do,” remarked essayist and thinker E. M. Gray. “They don’t like doing them either, necessarily. But their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose.”
The nineteenth-century English writer Thomas Henry Huxley arrived at a similar conclusion, noting: “Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not.”
Maintaining a daily journal is one of the best personal growth initiatives you will ever take. Writing down your daily experiences along with the lessons you have drawn from them will make you wiser with each passing day. You will develop self-awareness and make fewer mistakes. And keeping a journal will help clarify your intentions so that you remain focused on the things that truly count.
Writing in a journal offers you the opportunity to have regular one-on-one conversations with yourself. It forces you to do some deep thinking in a world where deep thinking is a thing of the past.
Every second you dwell on the past you steal from your future. Every minute you spend focusing on your problems you take away from finding your solutions. And thinking about all those things that you wish never happened to you is actually blocking all the things you want to happen from entering into your life.
Given the timeless truth that holds that you become what you think about all day long, it makes no sense to worry about past events or mistakes unless you want to experience them for a second time. Instead, use the lessons you have learned from your past to rise to a whole new level of awareness and enlightenment.
Those who take more chances and dare to be more and do more than others will naturally experience more failures. But personally, I would rather have the bravery to try something and then fail than never to have tried it at all. I would much prefer spending the rest of my days expanding my human frontiers and trying to make the seemingly impossible probable than live a life of comfort, security and mediocrity. That’s the essence of true life success.
As Herodotus noted so sagely, “It is better by noble boldness to run the risk of being subject to half of the evils we anticipate than to remain in cowardly listlessness for fear of what may happen.”
Or as Booker T. Washington said, “I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.”
“If your priorities don’t get scheduled into your planner, other people’s priorities will get put into your planner.”
You can understand and relate to most people better if you look at them—no matter how impressive they may be—as if they are children. For most of us never really grow up or mature all that much—we simply grow taller. Oh, to be sure, we laugh less and play less and wear uncomfortable disguises like adults, but beneath the costume is the child we always are, whose needs are simple, whose daily life is still best described by fairy tales.
Experiencing solitude, for even a few minutes a day, will keep you centered on your highest life priorities and help you avoid the neglect that pervades the lives of so many of us. And saying that you don’t have enough time to be silent on a regular basis is a lot like saying you are too busy driving to stop for gas — eventually it will catch up with you.
You would not have the wisdom and knowledge you now possess were it not for the setbacks you have faced, the mistakes you have made and the suffering you have endured. Once and for all, come to realize that pain is a teacher and failure is the highway to success.
Begin to see your troubles as blessings, resolve to transform your stumbling blocks into stepping stones and vow to turn your wounds into wisdom.
I always try to remind myself that our character is shaped, not through life’s easiest experiences, but during life’s toughest ones. It is during life’s most trying times that we discover who we really are and the fullness of the strength that lies within us.
If you are currently experiencing challenges of your own, I respectfully offer the following words of Rainer Maria Rilke, which have helped me greatly when life throws one of its curves my way: …have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.
I’ll make you this promise: On your deathbed, in the twilight of your life, it will not be all the risks you took that you will regret the most. Rather, what will fill your heart with the greatest amount of regret and sadness will be all those risks that you did not take, all those opportunities you did not seize and all those fears you did not face.
To live your life to the fullest, start taking more risks and doing the things you fear. Get good at being uncomfortable and stop walking the path of least resistance. Sure, there is a greater chance you will stub your toes when you walk the road less traveled, but that is the only way you can get anywhere.
Time is your most precious commodity and yet most of us live our lives as if we have all the time in the world. The real secret to getting control of your life is to restore a sense of focus in your days. The real secret to getting things done is knowing what things need to be left undone.
“The means to gain happiness is to throw out for oneself like a spider in all directions an adhesive web of love, and to catch in all that comes.”
- Leo Tolstoy
One of the deepest of all the human hungers is the need to be understood, cherished and honored. Yet, in the fast-paced days we live in, too many people believe that listening involves nothing more than waiting for the other person to stop talking. And to make matters worse, while that person is speaking, we are all too often using that time to formulate our own response, rather than empathizing with the point being made.
“Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it”
- David Starr Jordan.
The greatest gift you can give to your children is the gift of your time. And one of the greatest gifts you will ever give yourself is that of enjoying your kids and seeing them for what they truly are: the small miracles of life.
The real value of setting and achieving goals lies not in the rewards you receive but in the person you become as a result of reaching your goals.
As novelist Paul Bowles once wrote: …because we don’t know [when we will die], we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that’s so deeply a part of your being that you can’t even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.
Commit yourself to managing your time more effectively. Develop a keen sense of awareness about how important your time really is. Don’t let people waste this most precious of commodities and invest it only in those activities that truly count.
An excellent way to control your temper is simply to count to 100 before you respond to someone who has irritated you.
Another strategy to use is what I call the “Three Gate Test.” The ancient sages would only speak if the words they were about to utter passed three gates.
At the first gate, they asked themselves, Are these words truthful? If so, the words could then pass on to the second gate.
At the second gate, the sages asked, Are these words necessary? If so, they would then pass on to the third gate, where they would ask, Are these words kind? If so, then only would they leave their lips and be sent out into the world.
“It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.”
- Somerset Maugham
Negative news sells. In our society, more people will choose to watch the criminal trial of a celebrity rather than the biography of a truly great human being. A newspaper with a headline revealing the latest tragedy will sell more copies than one announcing the latest scientific breakthrough. The real problem is that it is easy to get addicted to reading and watching negative news.
Writing down your goals clarifies your intentions (and the first step to realizing your vision is defining it).
As novelist Saul Bellow once observed, “A clear plan relieves you of the torment of choice.”
Or as author Glenn Bland wrote, “Goals and plans take the worry out of living.”
If you set goals:
1) the actions you take will be based on your life’s mission rather than on your day-to-day moods.
2) it keeps you alert to opportunities. The discipline almost magnetizes your mind to seek out new opportunities, opportunities that you need to seize in order to create the personal, professional and spiritual life you desire.
3) clearly defined goals commit you to a course of action. They give you the inspiration to act on your priorities and make things happen in your life rather than waiting for opportunities to land in your lap (which rarely happens).
Mark Twain wrote that, “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it.”
Forgiveness is a great act of spirit and personal courage.
One of the timeless truths of successful living can be stated simply: your thoughts form your world. What you focus on in your life grows, what you think about expands and what you dwell on determines your destiny. Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy—it gives you just about what you expect from it.
As Helen Keller said, “No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.” Given this principle, the first step to becoming a happier, more serene person is to manage your thoughts and purify your thinking.
Take a good, hard look at your environment. Your thoughts are shaped by the people you associate with, by the books you read, by the words you speak and by your daily physical surroundings.
Are you spending your time at work with negative people? If so, they will eventually make you negative and cynical. Are you watching violent TV shows and mindless videos at home? If so, your mind will grow restless and noisy. Is the space you work in bright, colorful and inspiring? Over the coming weeks, take steps to make the environment you work and live in a better one. You will quickly detect improvements in the way you think, feel and act.
I find a great deal of wisdom in the ancient Persian proverb “I wept because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.”
It is so easy to magnify our problems and lose sight of the many blessings we all have to be so very grateful for. Giving the gift of your time by volunteering to serve those who have less than you is an excellent way to remind yourself on a regular basis of the abundance that exists in your life.
The French mathematician Blaise Pascal wrote, “All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone.”
Dale Carnegie wrote, “One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.”
Have the wisdom to savor the simple things. The wonderful memories that they bring will add more value to your life than any of the material toys we spend so much life energy pursuing.
Seeing yourself as the CEO of your life can create a fundamental shift in the way you perceive your world. Instead of sailing through life as a passenger, you become the captain of the ship, leading things in the direction you choose to move in rather than reacting to the whim of the changing tides.
And as you take greater control of your life, reflect on William James’s inspiring words: “Humankind’s common instinct for reality has always held the world to be essentially a theater for heroism.”
It is so easy to feel compelled to finish every book you start. A great sense of guilt fills our minds if we do not reach the end of that book we used our hard-earned dollars to buy. But not every book deserves to be read in its entirety.
As Francis Bacon said, “Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested: that is, some books are to be read only in parts, others to be read, but not curiously, and some few books to be read wholly, and with diligence and attention.”
As Mark Twain wrote, “we should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it—and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. It will never sit down on a hot stove lid again—and that is well; but also it will never sit down on a cold one anymore.”
Remember, diamonds are created through steady pressure. So make certain your goals are worthy of you. Make sure they are the kind of challenges that will force you to reach into your heart and bring out the best within you, helping you grow in the process.
So it is not the number of hours of sleep that is key but rather the amount of renewal your body receives. Strive for less time in bed but a richer, deeper sleep. Understand that fatigue is often a mental creation that stems from doing things you do not like to do.
And remember Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s wise words: "The heights by great men reached and kept Were not attained by sudden flight But they, while their companions slept, Were toiling upward in the night."
One of the many great family traditions my wonderful mother created for us when I was growing up was having a family meal every day. No matter what activities we had on the go, my father, my brother and I were duty-bound to come home for a dinner, where we could all reconnect and share our stories about the day that was drawing to a close.
The British statesman Benjamin Disraeli once said, “Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.”
His words are profound. And his point of wisdom is clear: it is not what you are that is holding you back in life. It’s what you think you’re not. It is what is going on in your inner world that is preventing you from having all that you want. And the moment you fully understand this insight and set about ridding your mind of all its limiting thoughts, you will see almost immediate improvements in your personal circumstances.
Time and again, when I face a challenge in my own life, I return to The Serenity Prayer of Reinhold Niebuhr: “God, give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.”
On a recent rainy day, I pulled out the book and flipped through the different chapters, stopping at the one entitled “How to Take a Walk.” In it, author Alan Devoe shares his insights on how one can get the best out of walking. First, he advises, a walk should never have a specific purpose. Rather than having a destination, you should simply immerse yourself in the beauty of the walk itself. Second, you must never take your worries with you on the walk. Leave them at home, for if you don’t, they will become even more deeply rooted in your mind by the end of the walk. And finally, be fully aware.
Train yourself to pay complete attention to the sights, sounds and smells. Study the shape of the leaves on the trees. Observe the beauty of the clouds and the fragrance of the flowers. As he concludes: “The world, after all, is not so unendurable, when a person gets a chance to look at it and smell it and feel its texture and be alone with it. This acquaintance with the world—this renewal of the magical happiness and wonderment which you felt when you were a child—such is the purpose of taking walks.”
No matter how much time you have squandered in the past, the next hour that comes your way will be perfect, unspoiled and ready for you to make the very best of it. No matter what has happened to you in the past, your future is spotless. Realize that every dawn brings with it the corresponding opportunity to begin a completely new life. If you so choose, tomorrow can be the day that you start getting up earlier, reading more, exercising, eating well and worrying less.
If you have children, you might also wish to plant a tree in honor of each of them. As they grow, you can carve notches on the trunk to mark their different ages. Each tree then becomes a living record of a different life stage. Planting a tree for each child in your family is a wonderful and creative act of love and one that your kids will remember for many years to come.
“Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind. People grow old only by deserting their ideals and by outgrowing the consciousness of youth. Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul…You are as old as your doubt, your fear, your despair. The way to keep young is to keep your faith young. Keep your self-confidence young. Keep your hope young.”
- L. F. Phelan
Rather than leaving work, driving home and rushing into your house, I recommend that you spend a few minutes sitting alone in your car while parked in the driveway. Use this time to relax and reflect on what you would like to accomplish during the next few hours with your family. Remind yourself how much your partner and children need you and how many fun things you can do if you simply put your mind to it.
As novelist James Michener wrote: The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his life and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him, he is always doing both.
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